maybe i just like to sum everything up at the end of the month.

a year ago summer had already started. i need that so much in a way, but at least i know that in 8 days i'll be at the beach for 2 weeks with andrew. funny--last year it was so much excitement over walker.

see the thing was, walker and i never saw each other except like once a month. and that beach trip was the last time we ever really got together before the end of the summer and that was the end because...well lots of things. so really, the beach was like this big bang, the last big bang. i remember counting down to it. this year?? not so much. because i see andrew every day. between every class, and every day on the weekends. i remember the extensive planning that went into hanging out at lilly's before we left and how so much faith was put into one little circumstance and now, well now it happens without a thought going into it. i'm so fortunate to have known people like this...people who have been (and in andrew's case, still is) just right for me at a certain point in my life and those that help me grow and learn. it's surreal how it's all been laid out for me. sometimes in road map fashion, sometimes just feeling my way through the dark.

this sophomore year has been fantastic, as if someone jammed on the fast forward button. there are some people i don't have any classes with that i saw 3 or more times a day last year, and that's a shame, because it's hard to keep in touch with kids like that. but then there are others who i only saw once a day this year but who i've become really good friends with. i love that feeling of coming back home, and there's still the trace of a smile around my mouth and a laugh in my throat and i'm so happy, just from spending time with carefree people who i'm lucky to count as my friends.
the past two years, at the end of the year, i've made a list of people and little things about them on here. there's no way i could do that now--it'd be too overwhelming.

it's crazy to think that this is it. we are nearly half way through high school. what a huge deal is made out of it all, and in a way, that makes sense. andrew asked me the other day about how different i think it'll be. it's true, we've only ever been together during our sophomore year--what if we see each other more next year? less? it'll just be weird, after having gone through an entire year, minus like 2 days, of being together, to suddenly be together without the rhythm we've grown so accustomed to.

on a smaller scale of updates, may is always a fantastic month, and this one proved to be no failure. weekends at jordan lake with andrew, some of the best friday night near-scrapes with trouble, low key school work, the pool opening, always the things that i ride the coat tails of and out the last weeks of school.

so, my summer looks something like this:
beach for 2 weeks
san fransisco
chicago
miami
soccer team camp
denmark + sweden

not to mention pool + day trips + jordan lake + concerts all summer. sweet!

and so i reiterate what i said at the beginning of last summer--even though we still have exams to take and 3 more days of full classes--

life has been the best thing to happen to me.

it's another been-over-a-month entry.

i think the most significant thing to happen has been well, the whole month.

april's been good to me--then again, it always is.

so where did i break off?
the end of spring break.
when andrew got back we were together pretty much 72+ hours straight. i love his family. his brother calls me his favorite sister-in-law. but more on that later.

ben foldsss was awesome, but that goes without saying. i can cross that life goal off of my list. (no really, to see him live was a life goal.)

the day after ben folds my parents decided that they were just going to give up driving me back and forth and back and forth and back to and from andrew's, so i ended up spending the night. we drove around blasting music and then went to on the border and had some awesome mexican food. people have always told me that place is good but i'd never been. got back and went to ray + patrice's to play pool/hot tub/star gaze. i loved spring break and the other day i told him i wished it were break again and then, being the smart boy he is, he pointed out that summer is so much closer and so much better.

 that night we went to yera's party and the next day woke up early and went to wrightsville yessss. it was a gorgeous day and we had good food and good fun. cue, "i like long walks on the beach..." haha. i like him. i don't know, there's almost too much to say about all the times we hang out so i just end up saying the minimum.

the next weekend was his 16th and we had a party that saturday which may or may not have ended up with lives being threatened, i'm not sure on that one. the night before we saw ATL and went on an hour long midnight moped ride.

and of course the week after that we pretty much didn't even go to school, because andrew got his lisence monday. pullen park 8th period = : )
will's house after school and winning pool because of scratch = : )
then of course was easter weekend and it was amazing.
the saturday before easter was probably one of the best days of my life. went to third place with mom and kate in the morning and then went to crabtree and went bananas, basically, then went to andrew's house and we packed a ton of stuff and went to jordan lake!!
i mean honestly it was so much fun. andrew, matthew, alec and i were out on the boat all afternoon, and we all got killed at least once while tubing. it was a phenomenaly gorgeous day and then we went back and got food and then came out again to water ski/wakeboard (it's all coming together as far as waverider goes, haha) at sunset and then we went back in and got more food and took it out for a midnight ride under the stars and listening to music. it was so beautiful and even just when we ate dinner and watched southpark on his ipod while the boat was docked it was cute. even though southpark might not be considered cute. then after that we curled up watched mind of mencia and fell asleep and then his parents woke us back up because he had to drive someone somewhere, it was confusing. i pretty much slept like shit but andrew drove me back early the next morning anyway so i could make it to the easter service on time, which i did.
we had our annual huge easter lunch and then i went back to andrew's and monday after practice we went to moe's because i got locked out of my house.

so last weekend on friday shannnnnnnon and i went to see take the lead and made fools of ourselves in the theater. oh wait...that was only me. saturday i went to third place with shea and then read easter books in french, words cannot describe how much fun i have with that child. sunday was my actual birthday so i went over to andrew's and then picked up kate in chapel hill and came back for my birthday dinner then went back to andrew's then came back home. in the long run it makes sense. i love how comfortable i am with his family and he is with my family--it's always so much fun.

this week at school was really good even though it was the first 5 day week we've had in such a long time. of course yesterday i went to andrew's and matthew apparently was bragging to all of his little friends that i was the coolest person ever and his mom got a kick out of it and told me. cute.
then i wish it were yesterday.
all morning i laid out and studied for apwh and then i went and got my haircut and then it was PARTY TIME EXCELLENT. (even though as i confessed, i have never seen that movie.)

it was so perfect, jillian's was honestly the best place to have it and thank you so much to everyone who came. we had so much fun and honestly i'm glad i didn't have just another stand-around-at-a-dance-floor party. i think that everyone had a lot of fun and it was so good to be there and honestly everyone that walked through the door i enjoyed spending time with and it was perfect, not stressful, and never a dull moment. afterwards as many as could fit in 3 cars came over to my house and we drank lemonade from the carton and inhaled popsicles and watched collateral. i didn't even open all my presents until i woke up this morning, and another thank you to everyone for those : )
but most of all, thank you to everyone who came.

now i have to get ready because andrew's on his way to take me out to lunch at north hills, whoo.

and then i'll come back and study.
it's weird, we have what's probably our last soccer game tomorrow night and then the apwh exam on wednesday, so that's the end of two big things and i'll feel like i have a crapload of extra time on my hands. which will be a good thing.

i haven't written in two months exactly.

this is probably because every entry would sound the same.

sometimes i detest school with every bone in my body, but that's only sometimes. it's only two days into spring break and i'm in this zone as if it doesn't even exist. with soccer the days seem so much longer but there's more fun to be had. basically, it's a really good reason to hang out with andrew every day after school. it's gotten to the point where there's no day i don't see him, and at most maybe one or possibly two days a week when we don't hang out outside of school. and he gets his license two weeks from tomorrow. (speaking of, our 7 month anniversary is two weeks from yesterday.) words cannot describe!

nothing extraordinary has really happened, has it?

sweet sixteens, including the early stages of planning for mine (ours?), a million dates with andrew, stuff like that.

people, as a whole, are so interesting.
you'd think that people would be pros at the whole recognizing peer-pressure and insecurity deal by now. there are two different kinds of people: people that just know how to have a good time and don't worry about it, and people who try so hard to do so and just look stupid. i'm friends with both kinds but it's so much easier to be comfortable around  the former. but honestly, some people just can't interpret the things people say anymore. boys are almost more insecure than girls i think, but on second thought i won't go into any of that. i've never written a ton of personal things in here, because i'm bound to make someone think i'm talking about them when i'm not or if i am trying to get a point across, they'll be too blindsided to notice. in any case, people flaunt things as if others actually care. i respect people for a lot of different reasons, (being good at soccer, being soft-spoken but assured, being NICE) and being self-confident but not cocky is not something i disrespect at all, it's just that no one really wants to read who thought you were cute and when. seriously, if you had a really kicking day because your boyfriend said you're cute, then...i should have a good day every day? but no no no, seriously, it bothers me when people write about these things because in my head i always scoff at it and then i feel as if i'm so arrogant to others. maybe i'm just spoiled by andrew and by my luck. maybe i'm spoiled by his wonderfully nice family and by his innate nature to be the absolute best boyfriend imaginable, and i kid you not. calls me back within 30 seconds if he forgets to say he loves me, last person i talk to every night, comes to every soccer game--even the away, freezing cold, pouring rain ones--talk about devoted fan, patient, always able to make me laugh--the reason i was attracted to him originally with the way we can have fun together one hundred percent of the time, caring and gentle, and we're so comfortable with each other. we disagree sometimes but we never hold things inside or against each other, there's no negative energy that isn't dissolved immediately. i've never been less afraid to say anything to anybody.
i rememeber before, when i was with someone who could hurt me but didn't even realize it was hurtful, because he was hardly in tune with, well, ANYTHING. i idealized him and then degraded him, trying to get the balance right between extremes. i was afraid in a really stupid way, and i'm so glad that i've moved on so much more than i thought i ever could, which is completely and then some. i remember some inkling of hope that someone sweet and silly would come along, and i got andrew, who is sweet and silly and serious when necessary and possibly every other adjective attached with a positive connotation that you could ever come up with.

but i think that was 97% tangent.
as i was saying. it's so odd to me that some people see boys' insecurities being bounced off of themselves as being "the center of attention". no, they are making fun of you because they feel like shit about themselves. some people get sad when they're not being made fun of because someone else is being made fun of instead and no one pays attention to them otherwise. and that, to me, is just the eptiome of WAKE UP. jeez.
and back to the whole people who have me miffed tirade, i don't understand how hypocrites can live with themselves. maybe they have complex schizophrenia that i cannot even comprehend and i should be sympathetic to their situation. but most of the time? i think they're just plain oblivious and are so discontented that they can't even think straight and are simply hoping and praying that everyone else is as mixed up as they are when really, they're not. honestly: been there, done that. that's another type of person i really respect: the kind who knows when they're at their happiest but also recognizes the lows. i'm getting there, i don't like pretending to be happy. luckily, i don't have to really.

regardless, i'm glad that spring break is here, for recharging purposes. at the beginning of soccer, a couple of curveballs were thrown my way and for a month i was in relatively lower spirits. as much as i am fully aware of my dead  center teenage status, it always surprises me when i actually act/feel/think like one.

and another regardless is that, despite all of this, i know everyone is so human. they're people, and we all freak out and we all laugh at others to ourselves and we all are terrified sometimes and we all feel so content others. i'll do it in my way and you do it in yours, and we can be jealous and we can consider ourselves lucky and it won't change even if i wished it would. i love enloe for letting you know more than a set rotation of people. it's scary but hopeful at the same time to know that next year there's no way i'll have lunch and classes with all the same people.

all in all, it's melted into successive weeks of good memories. stand outs like red vines at north hills and riding the moped in the warm weather with andrew, soccer team get-togethers, some with andrew "the unofficial manager",  five points with shea and will,

so, this year seems like it's gone by so quickly. true, there are 2.5 months left. but that'll evaporate pretty fast.

so much stuff, so little time.

last week was muchos fun, despite exams.

probably because, well, i needn't have worried over exams:

(here are grades)

french: 100 exam, 102 semester
psychology & literature: 100 exam, 100.3 semester
chemistry: 95 exam, 94.7 semester
apwh: 100 exam, 93.6 semester
english: 93 exam, 99 semester
pre-calculus: 97 exam, 96.4 semester
photography: 86 exam (hahaha), 97 semester

right so, continuing on.
went to see tristan & isolde with andrew which i don't recommend. we had a fun date anyway, complete with journey sing alongs. god that was a fun night.
last sunday i went to city market to meet up with sally michelle and mrs. brooks for lunch and a round of apwh studying, but it was more talking and less actual studying. well that's a lie i did a lot of research and culminating of notes.
that afternoon i picked shea up and went to north cary park where andrew (biked???) met us. we threw the frisbee and sat on rocks and had a fun time : ) then i went back to andrew's and we watched comedy central movies!

hmm tuesday after exams trey drove andrew kevin shannon and me to hillsborough street where we ate lunch with shady mexicans we couldn't understand and bouncy seats, then walked up and down waiting for mrs. mulhern. shannon and i had a heart to heart at the steps of the belltower.

wednesday after exams mrs. mulhern drove andrew david and me to mamma mia's for lunch.

thursday we all piled into IHOP and drove them crazy. ordering all-you-can-eat pancakes is a MUST. cursing and talking about sex and drinking while kids are sitting a foot behind you, cough sid cough, is NOT. neither is calling your female server "sir". but oh well! hmmm sid sam alex haily luke austin frankie andrew kevin another girl? and me were at one table and jesse and his posse were at another. ahhh next wednesday is an early release and we're all going again, plus some more, schaweet.
then we spent an infinity trying to figure out what to do and finally the boys decided to skip lacrosse practice.
but we had to go back to the IHOP parking lot to get frankie's hat.
drove to the boy scout store and yelled obscenities for 15+ minutes while throwing backpacks out windows, etc.
dropped alex off, went to luke's house, walked to the lake and asked if anyone had seen sparky, walked to mcdonald's, sat, walked back, played video games and/or alll the billions of broken toys belonging to luke's younger siblings, gossiped like no other, drove to andrew's, played some more video games?? then drove around cary for probably more than an hour, picked kevin back up, went to chili's for dinner, back to andrew's.

BASICALLY the lesson of the day was that i spent upwards of 12 hours with those boys. it was actually really fun.

friday i went to lunch with andrew and then hung out at his house and trampolined and had dinner and came home relatively early because of soccer practice saturday morning.

SATURDAY!! winter formal!
alright well we were late to porter's because of negative energy but that's alright. hmmm pictures on facebook of all of this, by the way.
got to the dance around 10.30 and stayed til midnight, went back to my house, people came and went and watched practically x-rated movies, ate good food, crashed.

sunday...pretty much nothing.

monday night drove (in the dark! in the rain!) to pick up andrew for dinner with my family then drove back.

uhhh that's it.
tomorrow i'm going to andrew's and hopefully glory road with some people.
saturday is amy's party.
and this weekend is a soccer tournament but i'm not spending the night.

i never know how to end these things.
probably something like,
i still get butterflies when i look at him.

oh my gosh, i'm the worst person ever at updating but it's really because there's too much to ever possibly write about.

christmas was good, but break was too short.

CHRISTMAS HAUL

from parents/sisters/santa claus
-platinum & crystal watch
-freshwater pearl necklace
-rebecca taylor cardigan
-vince cashmere shrug
-tracy reese skirt
-brown coat
-blue cult jeans
-red velvet flats
-iTunes gift certificate
-ben & jerry's coupons
-david gray cd
-bumble + bumble hair stuff
-burt's bees lip set
-journal
-fuzzy socks
-denmark trip, which was all inclusive of:
-airfare
-seude gloves
-multi-colored pearl strand
-H&M shirt
-H&M blouse
-H&M chunky sweater thing? aka the slug haha
-teal sweater
-sequined wrap around shirt
-angora vest
-beaded tunic
-fur & seude brown boots
-white top

from other family/friends
-seven jeans (grandparents)
-enzo angiolini flats (grandparents)
-gift certificate to saks (aunt)
-$$ (other grandmother and another aunt)
-3-strand beaded necklace (cameron)
-scarf (shannon)